Confessions...

I need to be brutally honest with myself and let this out so here we go....

Weightloss

Before my wedding I made a goal (December 2008) to lose weight before the ceremony so I could be a beautiful bride. Well I did it, I lost 30 pounds, I still wasn't at my best weight but I had progress. My wedding comes and goes (yay me!) and we go to Vegas and go all out. We didn't hit any buffets but we also didn't eat too right. I end up gaining almost 10 pounds of my weight loss back. ARGH! Wtf is wrong with that picture? I made the decision that I didn't want to live like this anymore and yet I am now STILL on the bumpy road trying to lose weight. What the heck is going on? I made another decision after going to have a little chat with my Dr. that I am going to look into other solutions to help with my weight loss. Some people are for it and some people are against it. I have done a years worth of research and it may be something I am going to do. Not for anyone else but myself. I know a few people who made this decision because of what others think of them and that isn't me. I want to better myself, be healthy for myself, be healthy for my son and live a healthier life. I feel that it will help me retrain my body to when I am full, it will lead me on the right path to better my health and myself. Like I said its my own opinion and my own choice, my family is on my side and my husband will be there by my side too. We shall see what happens. Right now I am on my way to live healthier, I changed up my diet AGAIN by not dieting and just eating right. I've been eating the right portions and staying away from fast food ( I swear, when you are broke, you do eat healthier, LOL) I said that I would be brutally honest and I mean that. I admit that I am severely overweight and I admit that I am struggling A LOT with it. I admit that I have been on the road and fallen off of the road but I promise myself that I will NOT give up on it. I promise myself that I will motivate myself to get off of my ass and work out, even if its a fast walk EVERYDAY! I will not drop the ball this time. I am tired of being overweight and I want to be able to look in the mirror and see pretty. I have been overweight ALL of my life and I hated every minute of it, I was abused by a friend of mine in elementary school who said she WAS my best friend and treated me like crap. I used to make excuses to not go to school all because of her. I was made fun of in PE class, I was made fun of all through high school and sometimes even now. I was sad all the time, I saw myself as ugly, I had no self esteem and I just hated myself. I hate it. I don't want to remember all that crap about me anymore. I want to be confident in myself. I want to see what everyone else sees and believe it. Sad but true. My husband sees me as beautiful and I do see beautiful but I want to see it in me all the time, not when I wear make up, not when I put a certain piece of clothing on. I want to see the pretty in me, ALL the time. I am on my way to beautify myself! 

Enough of the fat talk....

So as you know, we are thinking of moving out of state. I'm excited about it. We have to take care of a few things financially but we hope to move out the middle of next year. That is of course if we like it and if we find what we are lookin for out there. 

Work

Yeah I can't say too much about work (cuz most of it is all negative and has lots of explicit language), its work and I thank God everyday that I have a job. I start my business classes again next year, I'm excited about that. 

Marriage

I love being married and I will love it more when we finally get to move out, until we get our financial situation in order and even more when we are able to just be. (Does that make sense?) We want another kid, Jordan needs a playmate and its just time. Don't be scuuuured we aren't trying yet, its not our time. I need to lose weight, we need our own place, we need good jobs, we need money and etc.... We can't wait but we WILL wait.

Mkay, I'm done for tonight. Let see what tomorrow brings.

Oh I'm also keeping track of what I eat and only weighing myself once a week on Fridays, I usually do a Vlog on Youtube but I stopped for awhile until I can say that I really am doing something positive with my weight loss journey.

Ok nuff said, goodnight!

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